The funny thing about life is no one really knows what is happening in someone else’s life. It might sound corny but you really can’t know what happens behind closed doors. Take me for example if you were to ask any of my friends or family if I was abused they would say there is no chance. I’m the happiest person they know, the friendliest, the most kind. Like all of those things means that I couldn’t possibly have gone through abuse. My favorite is when I finally do open up to someone and discuss my past they say “but you’re so normal” like because I have kept my shit together means that what I went through couldn’t have been that bad. That was something I myself struggled with for a very long time. That me being strong enough to continue to push through and maintain a life of normalcy didn’t diminish what I went through. I was lucky, its honestly that simple my mind protected me. My mind split the two versions of myself and walled them off. There was the girl who went home and was abused and made to pose for photos (we will get to that later) and the girl who went to school, hung out with friends and was carefree. That is how I was able to be normal, that is how I was able to keep my spirit because to me those were two very different girls and they never blurred together. As an adult it’s still a struggle I have to take that wall down between those two girls. But hey that’s whats my therapist is for!

I want to say that I know I was lucky, that my mind saved me. I want to say that because my whole purpose of doing this blog is to empower others and to regain my strength. I hid behind my smile for so long and was so ashamed of my story that it became this deep dark secret that held so much weight. I have started to heal and to forgive myself and with that I want to share my story to lessen the burden and realize that my past may not define me but is a part of me. I have decided to be proud of my strength and my resilience instead of hide it. If by sharing my story I can help someone else realize they are not alone and offer some kind encouragement to speak up and ask for help then this would have all been worth it. I also want to say if I have decided to share my blog with my friends and family and you are reading this please know that you weren’t supposed to have known and there was nothing you could have done. I hid this my entire life and from everyone even myself and as always thank you for your love and support.